If tomorrow never comes ...
If tomorrow never comes,
Know that I
tried, with all my might
I may not
have been broken, but I was tired
And you
must know I did not go away, without a fight
The epic
battle of my life, ironic
If tomorrow
never comes,
Know that I
tried, to forget and forgive,
all trivial,
in this state of mind
of all
promises made and silences broken
all mistakes
made and paths not trodden
If tomorrow
never comes,
Know that I
tried, to leave behind all my insecurities
Of troubles
nights and anxious days
Of social
pressures and self-imposed pains
Of words
you couldn’t understand or fears I could not speak
If tomorrow
never comes,
Know that I
tried, to be ok with not being ok
But then
the hashtags disappeared
And photo
ops died, it was another cause they were rallying
While I sat
forgotten in my bed still nervous to be called mental
If tomorrow
never comes,
Know that I
tried, to speak up and not bottle down my emotions
Of the
million times I had the courage – almost
Of the thousand
times I tried to reach out to the counsellor – almost
Of the hundred
times I tried to tell you I need help – I wish it was not always almost
If tomorrow
never comes,
Know that I
tried, to shoulder responsibilities like an adult
to make you
smile when you needed me around
to make go
away your fights, the responsible one amongst us all
to listen
to your fears and share your joys – while I struggled to loan a genuine smile
If tomorrow
never comes,
Know that I
tried, to leave behind a legacy
Something of
my own soul to be remembered of
Of words scribbled
like jumbled expressions on melting ice
Of impressions
of trust on people who could in me confide
If tomorrow
never comes,
Know that I
tried, even during those moments of late dusk
To give it one
more day and maybe one more night
To not be
called a genius maverick by some or a moronic quitter by others
To think of
all of you and maybe a little of me
If tomorrow
never comes,
Know that I
tried, and that it was never you but always I
Of unsettled
feelings resting upon unwarranted fears
Of courage
not bred and actions not taken
Of weakness
allowed to grow strong and dreams let go
If tomorrow
never comes,
Know that I
tried, with all my might
But by then,
the tunnel was too dark and the story in my head too romantic
But by then,
no words could reach me & the demons in my head too strong
But by
then, I was finally happy & the thoughts in my head finally empty
~ Ashk
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