4/25/10

The Dreams Of An Insomniac



The vacant stares of the innocent eyes, that gaze through the emptiness into the present, yet they live in the past. Innocent are the thoughts of the beautiful mind that wanders across borders not meant for it. What care can drag the wanderer to its coveted resting place.No dream, they say, is too big. But, an insomniac hasn’t the luxury to dream....





I feel empty at times, to look out and try to hold onto something, someone to care for you. The absence of that someone special creates agony. The fact that you live alone. you live for yourself.You live to survive. It sets the thoughts in a maze of whirlpool,where the end never seems to come.

Don’t think of me as a pessimist. I don’t complain, to no one. I live , i enjoy , i laugh, but yes i cry. I cry for things that i can’t control. i cry for what i can be, but am not. I cry for the handicapped desires of this soul. And i cry because i have been caged in a prison that no one made in particular. It was established much before i had any idea it was there. The prison i cannot break.

Life never seizes to amaze me. Its a puzzle, accepted. But the parts of this jigsaw don’t fall in place at times. The theories that humans have made never have bounded life. But then what exactly is the power that supports these unknown theories that push life. I don’t challenge life. But in other ways i do. I challenge those actions which i can change. I challenge those decisions which are made without my approval, and yet they involve me, they guide my course of life.

I have been a passenger in this journey that continues to new realms. I don’t want to be a passenger. I wish to be the rider . And i work to be the creator of my destiny. But, i feel weak at times. The resolve, the purpose, the desire to achieve what i set out to achieve, the driving force, the flame weakens at times. And it is then that i feel the pang of loneliness. It is then that i realize that i have no arm to hold onto, no one to hug, though the voices that surround me are many.


-Ashk

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