Some call me an enigma. Others rate me as a normal individual,a person with desires to achieve his goals. A person aspiring to be successful. Some even call me a philosopher. People and their interpretations….. you can’t stop them from judgment, can you?
If you ask me,though, what I am? I will come up with a blank reply,a confused expression on my face.No insight into what i really am. I am a stranger, for myself and for this world that exists outside.
I have had many faces that i have hidden,at times and flaunted at others. You may call me a case of split personality, the only difference being that there are so many personalities within me, that i loose track of the real me. I am a pessimist and the greatest optimist, both at the same time. I am a warrior and a coward, all at the same time. I am a philosopher and a weakened soul, again at the same time.
The person whom this world meets each morning, is the me whom i allow to be witnessed by the external world. the person whom my people see is the one who’s different from the first me. The person whom i see in my solitude and maybe someone else does, is the real me. I have learned to play this game of multi faced masquerade that i wear to fight my own fears. At the same time to preserve the inner me from the loss of his dream of divine happiness, that he still believes exists.
I don’t feel any joy in shading the parts of me into black and white and a multitude of different shades. I feel sorry for the soul that’s broken into pieces and sewed again each night in solitude. But i have never chosen my destiny myself. It has been my destiny that has always chosen its victim. I live with no regrets, but a hope, an undying fire within my heart that i will come through to that world that i have imagined and dreamed of each night. The world that’s mine. Where only the real me will exist, and accompanying me will be those who have seen this real me……i will survive….
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